The total count for 2013 was 134 movies seen. Oh yeah?! And what the hell were YOU doing with your year?
Oh, I see. Yeah, saving lives. Soup kitchen. Homeless. OKAY. Geesh. I get it.
Anyway, I sat around and watched a lot of stupid shit. To wit:
2010 MOBY DICK (1)
FUNNY HA HA (2)--I can think of three things wrong with this title
SAFETY NOT GUARANTEED (2.5)--How to pick up chicks with time travel. Can't wait to get me some Nefertiti action
STEPFORD WIVES (1)
SCARY MOVIE 2 (-2)
SHARKNADO! (4)--Number One post of the year. Nothing like flying sharks to bring 'em in!
THE RING (1.5)--The eye of Mordor gets very, very sleepy
IT'S A MAD ETC WORLD (2)
MONSIEUR HULOT'S HOLIDAY (3)
PICTURE OF DORIAN GRAY (2.5)
BRANDED (1.5)--Not on the brain, unfortunately. And, hey, corporate marketing is bad. Lesson learned!
CLOUD ATLAS (2)--Perhaps my greatest achievement of the year. I watched the whole thing! (Reading the 500-page book was much, much easier.)
GUNS, GIRLS & GAMBLING (1)--Move over, Nic Cage, here comes the Slaternado!!
CAR 54 WHERE ARE YOU (1)
IMPORTANCE OF BEING EARNEST (3)--The end of my Wildean phase was nearly the end of me (zing, Oscar!)
THE 'BURBS (1)
BLOOM (3)--The ineluctable modality of watching this movie
INTOLERABLE CRUELTY (2)--I can think of two things right with that title
CLEAR HISTORY (2.5)--Pretty, pretty, pretty okay
TYLER PERRY'S TEMPTATION (1)--Kim Kardashian has a big butt
BANK DICK (3)--W.C. Fields, we need him now more than ever!
VIDEODROME (3)--James Woods then battled aliens on a faraway planet. Uh... yeah... movie.
YOU'RE NEXT (3)--A rollicking romp of rape
THE PARTY (2.5)--Move over Slaternado here comes Sellernadocane!!
CAFE LUMIERE (2.5)--My second greatest achievement
I STAND ALONE (3.5)--Thus ends my Gaspard Noe trilogy. Waiting for more...
SPRING BREAKERS (2.5)--James Franco needs to stick to writing. Uh, to directing? Uh, to selling pot to his friends.....?
WITH A FRIEND LIKE HARRY (3.5)
BROOKLYN CASTLE (2)--Second chess movie this year. Stalemate.
DERRIDA'S ELSEWHERE (3)
THE FLAT (3)--Springtime for Hitler. Winter for me.
BLUE JASMINE (2)
BEING THERE (3.5)
BIG BAD MAMA (1.5)
INCREDIBLE SHRINKING MAN (3)
WICKER MAN (3)--No Nic Cage, alas. Works somehow without him
RISE OF THE PLANET OF THE APES (1)--Can't get out of the year without more ape in it
CATCH 22 (2.2)
SHORT FILMS OF DAVID LYNCH (3)
LOOKIN' TO GET OUT (1)
WICKER TREE (1)
LEAVES FROM THE BOOK OF SATAN (3)
O.C AND STIGGS (1)--Andy's favorite movie, for some reason
WAKE IN FRIGHT (3)--Australia is really hot in the summer. Oh, and kangaroo slaughter isn't as funny as it seems at first
BIG BAD MAMA 2 (1)
REQUIEM FOR A DREAM (3.5)--Hubert Selby, an American Hero
WORLD'S END (2)--Seth Rogen is a hoot
STILL WALKING (3)
NASHVILLE (2.5)--Then again, maybe this is my greatest achievement.
IT'S A DISASTER (2.5)--Dirty bomb in L.A. brings us all to the verge of laughter. (This must be a new genre in comedy: a big disaster brings ensemble of comedians together with amber threat results. Q.v. The Watch, World's End, This Is The End......)
SHOT IN THE DARK (2)
MAXIMUM OVERDRIVE (1)
GLEAMING THE CUBA GOODING (1)
BLING RING (1)--I'm a ding-a-ling for watching this
GRINCH STOLE OUR HEARTS (1)
NEW YEAR'S EVE (1.5)
BAD LIEUTENANT 2 (2.5)--CAGE!!!
THIS IS THE END (3)
GRAVITY (3)--Sure there's an outer space. Sure there is.
LONE RANGER (Lone Star)
STRAIGHT STORY (3)
STORIES WE TELL (2)
Okay, see you all next year!! (kidding)