Car 54, You're Under Arrest

CAR 54 WHERE ARE YOU operates on the mathematical premise that if the people on the screen are having fun then ipso facto QED the viewer is also having fun.

This is WRONG. Tragically. (But at least the movie has distinguished itself.)

Our two lovable lunkheads head out into the filthy crime-ridden city and get into adventures. Why?

Well, one is married to Rosie O'Donnell.

"Please don't make me sniff your pubes."

The other cop is some other guy. He's all uptight and stuff. So what happens when the uptight cop goes to the big party to celebrate Rodney King's beating? He gets... wait for it... uptight.

"Hey, you want to sniff my pubes?"

Along the way to solving stopping and frisking people of color, they run into Mojo Nixon!! Is he still alive??

"If this movie's got Mojo Nixon, then it needs some fixin."

CAR 54 also has Tone Loc, Penn & Teller, and the Ramones. So what could go wrong, I ask you?

"Surely, this will be funny."

Only everything--as in TRAGICALLY EVERYTHING. But at least the FBI shows up to try to shut down the film. They fail also. Tragically.

"Okay, who wants to grab my ass first?!"

Hey, but the movie ends, so not everything is awful in the world. And the uptight cop learns how to love. His reward?

Play us out, Tone Loc!

Skyrockets in flight,

I get so excite,

With some funky cold medina

And afternoon delight!

Etc.