"What? What?" Mom was looking through her London photos. "What are you talking about?"
"Pat, Mom. He got hurt doing jiu jitsu and now he wants to dunk his head in the ocean to stop the voices, or something. He knows how to surf, so he wants to get a cottage for three months and just hang ten. But not eleven because... you know, he hasn't gotten the surgery yet."
"Oh, this one is out of focus...."
"But he has to get approval and money from his parents. They are oppressing him. Nor do they listen to him when he talks at them. Nor do they... (??)"
A faraway sonorous sound.
"Mom, what is that? Is that Morgan Freeman's voice I hear?"
"Oh! Bingo is sitting on my Wonder Bible."
"Your who is sitting on your what?"
"Bingo! Bad boy. Get off Mommy's Wonder Bible."
"Mom, what did you buy now?"
Mom took up the handy portable device. "It's a Wonder Bible. It plays parts of the Bible, along with soothing meditation tracks of angels farting."
What White People Like
"Mom, turn that off. I think I'm having an allergic reaction to God."
"Oh, you are awful!"
"It's weird, though. I've been really itchy."
"Maybe it's from London. Maybe it's shingles. Is it shingles? Did you get your shingles shot?"
"My what? No."
"You should get your shingles shot. It's important to get your shingles shot. Everyone should get their shingles shot."
"Mom, please stop saying shingles shot."
"It's not fun having shingles."
"I know. Grandpa had them. And then he announced his one-year anniversary of being 'shingles-free' and Mark gave him a uncomprehending smile--thinking that Grandpa was talking about his roof. We've had a hearty laugh about that for years."
"You shouldn't make fun of someone with shingles."
"I'm not! I'm just laughing about Mark misunderstanding the term."
Mom said something else.
"Mom! Can you turn down your Bible? I can't hear you!"
"...AND SAITH ZECHARIAH THAT LO, THESE AMMONITES DOTH PROCURE OUR WOMEN AND KITH, LET THEM WHO DO NOT BELIEVETH IN THE LORD GOD KNOW THAT HIS WORD IS MIGHTY AND HE SHALL SMITE--"
Bingo put his paw on the Wonder Bible, shutting it off.
"Good boy, Bingo!"