I decided to bring my witty observations to California. Unfortunately, I forgot to pack them in my luggage and I was left with lame commentary, limp comedy, and laugh-free cacophony (not to mention having a PRIORITY tag on my luggage handle, to my deep shame).
First, I went to get a bite to eat while I was bitten and bitter.
"Noo! I don't have time for the pain!"
Then Amy and I went to the Sparky Museum for warm puppy sausage, and instead wound up with excessive whimsicality...
"Found it! Poop's back here, people."
...and various beverages that Sparky himself enjoyed without fail EVERY SINGLE DAY OF HIS LIFE.
"Wait, this isn't Soylent Green cocoa??"
Then I learned about the greatness of Walt Disney, who loved almost all the people of the world.
Look! Fine people on both sides!
Then we went to see the WORST MOVIE in the HISTORY of the COSMOS and SURROUNDING UNIVERSEs. And then a lifeguard lady came to talk us down after it was over.
"Yes, the hot older man in the front row. Can I have your number?"
Then we went to Bodega Bay and I had a photo shoot for my latest shoegazer album, only available on vinyl because the pops and hisses are so fucking pure.
Inside the steeple, all the people! (Tentative album title.)
We went to sample the coastal cusine like a bunch of privileged elites, and it felt great!
"A seal sneezed below us, hold me I'm frightened."
My hosts then eagerly drove me to the airport, where I met a kindly giant who gave me three beans and no wishes.
"There you go, gramps, you made it up the curb!"
Thanks for all the good times, Amy, Gary (Pizzas 4eva!), and Aidan (but not Pamela Anderson)!
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