Tuesday, December 10, 2013

Maximum Overshit

Remember Y2K? When all the machines came alive and tried to have sex with us? I seem to remember that happening.... Anyway, today's Movie Minute posits a Y2K scenario a full fifteen years before 2000, a film called Stephen King's Tyler Perry's MAXIMUM OVERDRIVE.

A comet tail passes through earth for eight days and causes Emilio Estevez to run for his life. So it's not all bad. It's the Rise of the Machines to the "rock" "music" of AC/DC (what, no Cannibal Corpse? Lame, Stephen. LAME).

Stephen King bores deeply into our collective psyches by imagining a world where electric carvers stop carving and start ACTING REAL.

"Will someone please turn off that AC/DC rock and roll music?!?!"

Emilio stars as a very tired gas attendant.

"Super premium unleaded today, Ma'am? Sorry about all the AC/DC."

Because of the comet's tail, he gets trapped at a truck stop where all the trucks try to kill him, typically. He actually forgets to act in some scenes, which works out just fine.

"I know, isn't the music just awful?"

One truck has a goblin face on it so you won't get confused at home.

"Howdy, folks, I'm evil incarnate. You know, because of the comet's tail."

Stephen King is a writer. He actually typed on his Selectrix 3000 Betamax Fortran machine words like:

"Holy shit."

"I'm scared."

"It's the American way. You mess this up or your ass is grass."

One by one the machines kill off the well-developed characters. When that doesn't work, they kill everyone else.

"Good luck waiting thirty years for Obamacare! HA!"

At one point, the trucks are thirsty for our nation's non-renewable resource: pussy. A military truck with a mounted machine gun "watches" as Emilio fills 'em up. The gun follows them as they pass by. This begs, BEGS, the question as to how a gun "sees." The only answer to that comes from Mr. King himself in a 1997 interview:

"I was so coked up I had no idea what I was doing. And it turns out my mouth can't reach my dick."

"Who wants to buy a pen, by the way?"

While he may not be able to write, he can't act either.

"Does this ATM dispense coke?"

That van sent from the future to kill him should have come earlier. MUCH earlier.

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