Satan's Leavings

Hey, who likes silent films from 1921 made in Denmark? GREAT! Let's dive in.

LEAVES FROM SATAN'S BOOK makes for a very inadequate sequel to FIFTY SHADES OF GREY. Instead of a billionaire attaching nipple clamps to some skank with borderline personality disorder, we have Satan closing a deal with God in order to make a movie that goes on for ETERNITY. The masochism is all there, yes. But where's the love?

Satan is played by Steve Carell.

No one loves him. And he's sad. Waah.

Too sad to eat pancakes = Eighth Circle in Hell (?)

And the Glued-on Beard Award goes to... JESUS OF NAZARETH!!

"Blessed are the beard makers..."

To round out the cast we have Judas Iscariot looking for a restroom at a Mexican saloon. Good luck, Einstein! I mean, Judas!

"No one must know I dropped my glasses in el inodoro."

The movie skips from Biblical times to the Spanish Inquisition--unexpectantly. Then we wind up in the French revolution. Satan's infernal handiwork is evident everywhere. Especially in all those rich cremes and heavy sauces.

"I'm Napoleon."

"No, I'm Napoleon!"

In each time period Satan appears to tempt a wayward soul. If the temptee succumbs to eating that Krispy Kreme, then Satan gets another soul (which makes him sad :( (see above)); but if they resist, Satan gets a hundred years off his sentence of eternal damnation. What's eternity minus a hundred? And don't say eternity! Stupid maths.

Here the duenna resists Satan as a philandering barber. Is that my best sentence ever?

"I love it when you talk dirty silently."

The actors play dress-up in different eras. It's sort of like CLOUD ATLAS--but at least here the effects are primitive and the film is so grainily splotchily dark that it gives you a headache to look at. So: much better than CLOUD ATLAS.

"This movie is more like a finite jest. Eh? Eh?!"

Here's a typical viewer's face while watching this movie. See the pain? The deep suffering? That's not easy to achieve. So kudos to some weird silent director guy!