Thursday, November 21, 2013

Memories Of Reggie

Walking into the library today, I happened to see our new custodian out in the parking lot. For a moment it seemed he was checking out a woman going to the bookdrop. But then I saw he was just getting a piece of trash in her direction. Quite the opposite to Reggie. This new custodian is good at his job, and acts appropriately--and hence I will not be blogging about him. Reggie, on the other hand, oozed inappropriateness from every pore.

Reggie thought our new manager was "hot." When she started last February he kept checking her out and making his cunnilingus face as she walked past. And, no, there wasn't a piece of trash in the vicinity. He told me that if it wasn't for the fact that she was his boss he'd definitely lay some pipe in her, or some such other grossness.

Reggie liked Carol's bubbly kooky personality. She was a complete change from our previous manager, and Reggie thought she would be cool with how he liked to do things and strippers. But she soon took a great distaste to Reggie. The smoking. The joking. The midnight toking. All of it. Reggie started hiding from Carol, thinking that "white woman" was crazy. And, natch, a racist. In May Reggie's brother died, and when he came back to work Carol had gotten him a card signed by the staff. Then not long after, Dan's brother died and Carol got him something else. Something better, more expensive. Something more... white.

"She got him a what?" Reggie said.

"An edible arrangement. You know, like this..."

"Who wants to eat me out?"

"Carol spent a hundred dollars of her own money on it. Though Dan didn't much appreciate it." (That's a different story.)

Reggie contemplated the edible arrangement in his mind. (Normally there's pussy up there.)

"So he gets this big eatable thing," he said. "And all I got was some card of a little boy on the beach getting his trunks pulled down by a dog?"

"Nothing better soothes grief than dogs undressing little boys...?"

"That's... (wait for it) ...racist."

Yeah, I guess there was an atmosphere of extreme racism around here. We had you wrong, Reggie old buddy. We had you wrong.

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