How Jim Carrey Ruined Christmas Great Job!

Hey, who wants a piece of garbage in their stocking? No? All right, how about Jim Carrey?

Yeah, I'd go with the garbage too.

"Keep your bedroom windows locked, ladies! Hawwrr hawwr!"

In a thoroughly unnecessary updating of a classic, Jim Carrey plays the Grinch. Desperately unfunny, he brings the Christmas ham--and manages to offend not only Muslims and Jews but ALL of us. So, sort of a Christmas miracle. 

He befriends a little girl by breathing toxic gases in her face.

"Smell that chili relleno? That's from my intestines!"

In Whoville, everyone raps. I mean, rhymes. They flibber, they floober, and the ladies show their boobers (director's cut). They try to teach the Grinch a valuable lesson: don't act.

"Is this funny yet?" *Christmas crickets*

Whoville has its own post office and D-list actors, for some reason.

"We're wearing silly noses! Is this interesting yet?" *Hannakuh crickets*

Along the way, the Grinch gets pregnant and has to take the morning-after pill in a rumball.

"How am I going to explain this to my pastor?"

In the end, the Grinch comes up with a zany plan to steal the soul of the original cartoon classic and replace it with a dead-eyed corporate shill atrocity. Great job!

"C'mon! Laugh, you stupid mutt!" *Dog crickets*

But then the love happens. The Grinch can't handle all the love, and he suffers a myocardial infarction. It's the first funny thing that happens. Oh well, it could have been worse...