Don't Call It The O C

Today's Movie Minute is O. C. AND STIGGS, a movie by Robert Altman that has never been seen by anyone on planet earth ever. And, by God, if I had to sit through this, then you'll have to sit through this blog post. Wait.... where are you going? Come back! Aw hell.

(This is the level of comedy in the movie, too.)

Billed as a "teen sex comedy," I can think of three things wrong with that description. The, uh, plot consists of O.C. and his buddy Stiggs freaking the squares. The results are HILARIOUS--according to Robert Altman, who once laughed and went to the doctor to have it checked out. (It was just gas.)

"Wait, am I wearing sunglasses... at NIGHT?!?!? Oh, toooo wacky, Kornstein!"

Being zany koo-koo nutsters, the two young men purchase an automobile that is suitably farcical. Whenever it appears, the soundtrack breaks into Clown Xylophone Etude No. 6 in Kooky Sharp.

"Hydraulics powered by zany!"

Uh, other things "happen." The two take an interminable innertube expedition to Mexico, but get no farther than Iowa City. At this point, Altman was thinking of selling his seed to make money instead.

"Hey, Stiggs? I mean, O.C.... Does this sombrero make me look racist?"

Altman just doesn't get it. Naked male ass does not a teen comedy make. All it makes are boners. (Am I right, gentlemen?)

Then we have Melvin van Peebles. He plays a homeless guy who has homeless friends. Being without a home makes you grow facial hair and lose your mind. Sort of like watching this movie! Peebles fulfills the role of the Magic Negro, imparting his Fight The Power wisdom to whitey.

Reggie in 2020...?!?!

Until he, like, dies. Yeah. But that's the way movies work. Doesn't the black guy always die?

"I can't wait to see the look on his face once he digs out! Ha ha. Our best prank yet." "Prank...?"

To liven the proceedings, Altman brings in King Sunny Ade. That's right!! KING SUNNY ADE. And he's opening for Joe King Carasco! Man, it was really hard to not slamdance all over my face.

This is dedicated to Andy--to remind him that he also saw this movie. Don't you dare try to consign this to the blackest oblivion of your mind grapes! Ech, go ahead.