Tuesday, December 3, 2013

Big Bad-Actin' Mama

Today's Movie Minute explores the nature of sequels and how great they are. In BIG BAD MAMA II, the movie helpfully ties up loose ends from BIG BAD MAMA. It also has some tight ends. And some slot receivers.

Angie Dickinson stars as a moll, a dame, a broad, a big bad-actin' mama with a penchant for live ammo and dead men. She really knows how to grip that tommy. Harrrrunngh.

Dickinson runs into a very, very down on his luck Robert Redford, and tries to steal his hat.

*growls* "I'm gonna tell you what I told Paul Newman: Put it in my butt, lady."

Old people sex ensues, clearing the theater nicely.

 "For an erection lasting longer than four hours...."

Later, she tries to take the director hostage in order to escape the film. But it turns out we've ALL been taken hostage.

 "Is my line next?!?"

Bad-Actin' Mama has two nubile daughters fresh from their tasteful spread for Larry Flynt. The word cooze  is bandied about like a Mexican balloon fight. 

"Okay, we'll get undressed. But just this one time!"

A rich banker's son is taken hostage. More sexiness ensues--contrary to all that is holy.

"Come on! Eat this malarkey!"

In conclusion, we learn that Angie Dickinson is a true hero for the ninety-nine percent.

"Is that a gun in your bath, lady? Or are you just glad to see me?"

But no worries. The one-percent has their own hero watching out for their interests.

Er, better invest in gold, people.

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