Thursday, January 3, 2013

Movies I Have Seen, Part Deus Ex Machina

We continue our death march through a year in Tuscany... er, of movie watchin'.

Grey Gardens (2.5)

Battle Beyond the Stars (1)--John Boy has a black hole on his cheek. Scientists are still puzzled.

Casa de mi Padre (2.5)--Will Ferrell speaks Spanish, but no one is laughing. Quien sabe?

Zardoz (2)

Galaxy of Terror (1)

Transcendent Man (2.5)--Learned that the singularity is coming and that we will all be robots, very soon. How awesome will that be??

Er, maybe not so awesome.

21 Jump Street (2.5)--Competent.

7 Psychopaths (2.5)--Once we got to the Psychopath who was Gluttony, I was, like, I'm outta here.

Dogtooth (3)

Another Earth (2)--A metaphor does not a movie make. I backwards comment like to.

THX1138 (3)--Geo Lucas can type this shit and make Robert Duvall say it.

Barbarella (1.5)

Silver Linings Playbook (2.5)--Formulaic, Robert DeNiro, predictable. Did help me set my fantasy football lineup for that week, at least.

Derrida (3)

Paprika (3)--Fuck you, Inception.

Island of Lost Souls (3)--H G Wells classic about a man who creates manimals. Turns out man is NBC executive Brandon Tartikoff. Genius!

Holy Motors (2.5)--Man has terrific, unbreakable boner around Eva Mendes. Relatable, at least.

Tabloid (2.5)--Woman assaults and kidnaps Mormon missionary. Hollywood truly is a dream factory!

God Bless America (1.5)--A blog post does not a movie make. I backwards etc etc.

Tiny Furniture (2.5)--Lena Dunham fucks in a pipe. Relatable, at least.

Wanderlust (2.5)--Competent.

The Black Hole (1.5) (Just scroll down, dummy.)

And the final tally is 94 movies seen! Sorry I didn't see more! But what horrors will 2013 bring?

Dear God, no, no, no, no, no, no.

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