Movies I Have Seen, Part Deus Ex Machina

We continue our death march through a year in Tuscany... er, of movie watchin'.

Grey Gardens (2.5)

Battle Beyond the Stars (1)--John Boy has a black hole on his cheek. Scientists are still puzzled.

Casa de mi Padre (2.5)--Will Ferrell speaks Spanish, but no one is laughing. Quien sabe?

Zardoz (2)

Galaxy of Terror (1)

Transcendent Man (2.5)--Learned that the singularity is coming and that we will all be robots, very soon. How awesome will that be??

Er, maybe not so awesome.

BMX Bandits (1)

21 Jump Street (2.5)--Competent.

The Terror Within (1)

Beyond the Valley of the Dolls (1.5)

7 Psychopaths (2.5)--Once we got to the Psychopath who was Gluttony, I was, like, I'm outta here.

Dogtooth (3)

Another Earth (2)--A metaphor does not a movie make. I backwards comment like to.

Logan's Run (2)

THX1138 (3)--Geo Lucas can type this shit and make Robert Duvall say it.

Dead Space (1)

Barbarella (1.5)

Beneath the Planet of the Apes (1.5)

Deathsport (1)

Battle Truck (1)

Silver Linings Playbook (2.5)--Formulaic, Robert DeNiro, predictable. Did help me set my fantasy football lineup for that week, at least.

Derrida (3)

Escape From the Planet of the Apes (1)

Paprika (3)--Fuck you, Inception.

Beverly Hills Chihuahua 3 (1)

Island of Lost Souls (3)--H G Wells classic about a man who creates manimals. Turns out man is NBC executive Brandon Tartikoff. Genius!

Holy Motors (2.5)--Man has terrific, unbreakable boner around Eva Mendes. Relatable, at least.

Tabloid (2.5)--Woman assaults and kidnaps Mormon missionary. Hollywood truly is a dream factory!

God Bless America (1.5)--A blog post does not a movie make. I backwards etc etc.

Tiny Furniture (2.5)--Lena Dunham fucks in a pipe. Relatable, at least.

Wanderlust (2.5)--Competent.

The Black Hole (1.5) (Just scroll down, dummy.)

And the final tally is 94 movies seen! Sorry I didn't see more! But what horrors will 2013 bring?

Dear God, no, no, no, no, no, no.