Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Terrible Movie Tuesday

This weekend I saw a movie called Zardoz.

It starred Marjoe Gortner.

Wait. Wrong movie. (Actually, it's a pretty bad sign when you wind up longing for some MARJOE.) This particular cinematic atrocity starred Sean Connery. Yeah, yeah, brogue, the league is set, the game is on, blah blah.

Ladies, if you dig seeing a rat-tailed Sean Connery in thigh-high boots, with a pornstache, and banana-hammocked in a tightie-reddie, then this is your movie! Men, exit left.

The movie is about how Sean Connery poignantly struggles to escape the set and fire his agent. But he tragically fails due to some sort of glass barrier put up by the Best Boys and Gaffers as a prank.

He spends the movie in homoerotic servitude to Liberace. Ladies, exit left.
Zardoz is also about a space lady who really, really needs to get laid.
But she doesn't consummate her dreams until the very end. And I do mean end, folks.
So, it turns out the whole futuristic society was based on The Wonderful Wizard of Oz. See, zard Oz--get it? Dignity, innocence, sanity, exeunt omnes

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