And now for page three of GALAXY REVOLT, helpfully annotated for your reading asphyxiation. Let's catch the action now!
"The only weapon they established were stones, and tree branches..." (1-3)
Indeed, some of the rocks were printed with the legend: ROCK EST. 2000 BC, so you knew it was a quality rock. As for the tree branches being established, the sun might want to sue for copyright infringement. (If there's a bad photosynthesis joke out there, I haven't heard it.)
"...to once in a while, hopefully, scare away the predators." (4-5)
This writing will get, hopefully, better. Or at least prod the boning experience, in us all.
"The other race were not humans at all." (6-7)
Welp, there's goes my hopes of becoming Supreme Court justice. No, wait, I'm a shoo in!
"They were a very hideous creature that had to dwell in dark, shadowing caverns..." (7-9)
You know it's dark in a cavern when the shadows are some type of verb (gerundive periphrastic participle, I believe).
"...because of their bright, orange, sensitive eyes." (10)
Or should we say bedroom eyes? Ladies?
"They could fly but they seemingly did not want to." (11-13)
Because if you could fly, who would bother? I mean, really? Is that sky up there? Can I break THE SURLY BONDS OF EARTH?!?! Ehn. Fuck it. What's this bug in the ground doing...?
"They didn't really walk, they went about like a modern monkey does, crawling on all four, with there fists rolled up, scurring along the ground." (14-17)
Not like those old-time monkeys, who drove around in those Flintstone cars. A modern monkey knows better than that. They crawl on all four, with dignity. And I looked all over the OED for scurring and found nothing. Old Norse? Gaelic? Cornish? Mmm, cornish hen would be excellent right now. With a side of scurring.
"They wore a black robe, sometimes it was brown or dull gray." (17-18)
Slow down, slow down. They wore black?!? But sometimes brown or... or DULL GRAY!?!?!
"They talked very well, something the humans could not do." (18-21)
Probably with a British accent. (Let me guess, a little later we'll learn we blew it up damn us all to hell we blew it up.)
"They didn't exactly talk well, though, they talked as if they were gargling something, which even made these creatures more hideous." (21-22)
Right. They talked well. But they didn't exactly talk well, though. It's almost as if I was making this up as I went along?? NAW.
As for gargling something, it was a problem, of course, because of all the rubber mask crap on their faces. Not sure why that makes them more hideous, however. I guess if you're not speaking proper English and you scurr around with sensitive orange eyes the effect is... cumulative?
(You have to respect my devotion to craft as I erased some words and wrote in some "better" ones. That was me, a li'l Flaubert searching for that mot juste.)
"These two races didn't even know about each other..." (23-22)
But eventually like the keys on a keyboard they'll make perfect harmony! Or not. Whichever.
Will you be able to wait another week for page four?!?! (Maybe try gargling something.)
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