These Primitive Humans

Todd came over to me.

"How's your butthole?" he said.

"It's pretty good. Thanks for asking." (??)

Todd seemed pleased. "Good," he said. "Good."

"Yeah. Though I have to admit that was not the question I was expecting at work today."

"So are the cold showers helping?"

"A little. My butthole's a pretty tough li'l fella, though."

Hilarity came over. "What are you two talking about?"

"NOTHING!"

"Okay, okay." Perplexed, she walked away.

"Anyway," I said, "what were we saying about my butthole...?"

"I think I have a customer."

"What!"

I shrugged and went back to my chess game. While the cold showers were helping with my anal suppleness, they weren't really helping my chess acuity. At my latest chess tournament I found myself paired with someone at my playing strength.

"Chess is HARD. Me no good play. Ugh ugh!"

Nor were the cold showers helping me crack the psychological hard nut that is Mom. I told her it was time for her to enjoy herself, whether that meant making little girls cry at chess or long, cold showers or pointlessly bloggin'. While Dad tells me he is (I really wish he hadn't said this to me) "living to the MAX," Mom is living to the min, natch. In fact, she spends her days weepily crunching her favorite snack food:

Which leads me to today's installment of GALAXY REVOLT. That's right, I wasn't joking about going through my juvenile masterpiece page by page with your lover at night. I mean, whorling galaxy with love?? COME ON

"They lived on a hostile planet full of weird and strange animals, that were practicly dinasaur-like." (1-6)

Again, can't stress enough how important it is to start with a visual. I mean, can't you see these weird and strange dinasaurs? I can. And fuck you if you can't.


"And this is what made life, sometimes, brief." (7-8)

Let's face it. This novel is really, sometimes, great.


"These primitive humans lived in the trees, if there were no trees they would cleverly make a pit, on the plains, and cover the top with bamboos and then on top they would stick grass on top to cama-flouge the den." (9-18)

Hmm, maybe this isn't so great, sometimes, after all. What in the name of unholy writing am I writing about?? If there are no trees to live in, it's "clever" to make a pit instead? What in... Just... I don't know if I can...


"If a large creature happen to accidently fall through the pit, and crush everybody, that was just the breaks!" (23-27)

Yes, it's clever to have large creatures fall on you.


"...this dying was very common, the other people living around were not surpised, at all." (28-31)

Large creatures fall on people all the time, to the point that it's boring. Actually, this is fucking AWESOME.

Surpised? I'm not. Sorry you'll have to wait another week for the next breathless installment of... GALAXY, sometimes, REVOLT.