Tuesday, November 18, 2014

You Go Girlfriend Experience!

Hey, have you ever had a girlfriend? Ever wondered what it would be like to experience one? Well, Sasha Grey is a porn star pretending to act--and I pretended to watch this! Mosaic law in action!

[Insert Long Hard Throbbing Blurb Here]

In a contest with James Deen for worst performance by a skank, Grey tries to look sulky and slightly interested as she plays slightly interested and... sulky. She fails.

"I love Porn with Friends..."

Grey stretches as an actress by playing a high-priced escort in Manhattan. Yes, she's just as bored as we are. This is Soderbergh's commentary on our boring times. See, because they're boring. Pretty deep stuff.

"What's a sixteen letter word for a woman's hoo-haw?"

She has men put their blurbs in her for money, but... *** SPOILER ALERT*** she has a douchey boyfriend! HOW INTERE ZZZZZZ

"Love ya, babe. Just wash real, real good down there. Like extra good.
Like with that industrial cleaner stuff they use on the highways."

She hangs with CEOs and Sopranos cast members, and they talk about the financial crisis of 2008. Remember how fun that was? Let's all do Collateralize Leverage dance! Whoo! (Zzzzz.)

"I've got your stimulus package right here, baby--
is what I told that male prostitute last night."

Some johns pay her to watch them wear diapers and talk about their fantasy football team. 

"Mommy like when I talk about Alshon Jeffrey?"

The movie lectures us about fiat currency and why Richard Nixon took us off the gold standard. This is by far the most interesting part of the film.

"Why do these guys keep giving me little pieces of paper after we hump hams?"

In the end, a Jewish man pleads with her to vote McCain in order to ensure the survival of the Jewish state, and then decides to ensure that survival by whipping out his phylactery. If you catch my meaning, which I don't. Shalom.

"We can have a threesome with Elijah... Mmm?"

No comments:

Post a Comment