Friday, November 21, 2014

Who's Your Scrub Daddy?

Mom had something for me.

"I just bought these. Aren't they great? Open the box and smell. It's lemon! And they smile at you!"

"What's this huge box?"

"That's the ones I got for you. I bought you a gross. The ones for me are in that army surplus crate."

"I don't know if I need several thousand sponges, Mom."

"They make cleaning fun. See, they smile at you. See?!"

"Yes, yes, you mentioned that..."

"I saw this on Shark Tank. Aren't they great? And look..." Mom stood at the sink. "When the sponge gets warm it becomes soft..."


"And under cold water it gets hard!"

"Ah. Good ol' Freud."

Mom took up a pan. "See, just wipe your dishes down like so. It will make everything clean. And smell that lemon smell?"

"Yes, Mom, I'm glad you--"

"But will you need help taking the box out to your car? I'd help you, but..."

"No, no, Mom. I've got it."


"Oh, erm..." I lifted the box and went for the door. *Errgh*

"I want to thank you again for helping out. You and your brothers."

I stood trembling under the weight of a thousand smiley faces.

"Sure... Mom... I.... Can you get the door...?"

"You're such a good son!"

Mom hugged me through the box. I fell off the porch and toppled into the fitzers.

"Thanks again!" I yelled under the cascade of lemon smiles and then, jumping for my car, fled.

"Wait! Your scrubbers....!"

Meanwhile, Dad, not to be outdone, or underdone, had something for me as well. A book!

"Here you go, son. I know you're an idiot, so maybe this will help you manage your money."

I squinted. "Is that a smiley face on that napkin?"


"Nothing. Thanks."

"It's a great book. It has a lot of great stuff in it, like: Buy low. Are you listening? And sell..... wait for it..... high. Got that? Maybe you should be writing this down."

"No, got it, got it."

"And another thing....."

As I fled Dad yelled after me about wooden nickels but by then I had already fallen headlong into the fitzers.

Mom and Dad = Gifts for a lifetime!

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