Last Reggie Post Ever (Until The Next One)

Reggie was checking out books, I mean, females. The young lady left and Reggie turned to me with a lascivious grin (his specialty).

"She's fine, huh. But she's too young for guys like you and me."

"Too young for me, but not for you, I wager."

Reggie shook his head. "No, no. For me, too."

"What about that twenty-five-year-old who came to your apartment that time?"

"Yeah," Reggie said, wistful. "She was just wearing a long shirt and no panties."

"Did you yell out some Bible verses to help you resist temptation?"

"She just started screaming, 'Oh, I never had a dick this big, oh, oh! Keep pounding it!'"

"So much for the Bible. Have you looked into joining Satan's minions? I hear it's a growing concern these days."

Reggie frowned. "You shouldn't joke about that. Satan is real. Someday you'll have to stand before your maker and answer for your life. And if you don't accept Jesus they'll tie you to a post down in Hell, like the Bible says."

"Where in the Bible does it say that?"

"Oh, it's in there."

"Mm."

"You laugh now, my brother, but you won't be laughing when they tie you to that post."

"So where does Satan get the post? Does he go to Hades Depot--the Post Department?"

"He's Satan. He can do whatever he wants."

"Can Satan create flaming excrement so huge that he can't lift it?"

Reggie nodded. "That's right. That's right."

"Come on, Reggie. Do you really believe in some guy with an opera cape and horns and a farm tool?"

He nodded.

"Reggie...?"

He started to disintegrate. His lascivious grin floated. And then vanished.

"Reggie!"

He was gone.

Satan had taken him at last.

The alternative theory is that administration transferred him to the downtown library. It seems that my joke saved his job--he and his lawyer were able to establish that my deeply racist Hitlerian joke was a clear example of the racial intimidation and jollity here. So therefore he keeps his job. Because Reggie's job is precious. And God. And the Bible.

Ave atque vale, Reggie!