Always Leave Them Wanting More!

"No," Todd said. "It's not. I don't believe you."

"Yes," I said. "This is it. This is the last post in my blog. I mean..." My sweet mouth quivered. "It's been great and everything... Damnit, I had promised myself I wasn't going to pretend to cry, but here we are."

"You'll keep blogging," Todd said beardly. "You can't help yourself. And what about me?"

"What about you?"

"People need to know what I'm up to!"

"Er... yeah."

Todd turned to Chambers, the other white meat Jonah. "Don't you think Greg should continue to blog?"

Chambers shrugged. "Maybe you should blog about [mutters some obscure conspiracy theory]."

"What?" Todd and I shouted.

"[Obscure conspiracy theory]," Chambers said.

"Mm, yeah. Sure," I said. "Where do you get all this information anyway?"

"Well, I'm very online."

"That might be the douchiest thing you've ever said, Chambers."

"Thank you. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to read more about Reggie on your blog."

"Can I get you a napkin with your burger, sir?"

I watched Chambers walk off. "My God, this place has broken his brain..."

"But see?" Todd said. "Your blog provides a service for the new people!"

"By giving them the necessary facts about Reggie, our long-ago custodian at Ruby Creek--which, as we know, is in Duluth. Uh, okay."

"Hey, I've been thinking about what Hilarity was saying about our attitude and doing more around here. But I'm thinking we shouldn't have to because we don't have the education level that the librarians do."

"Hm. This post suddenly got very dull."

"I'm serious. We only need a high school education to be a clerk, but to be a librarian you need a master's. It's bullshit that she expects us to do anything. I mean, I have a college degree, not that it matters."

"What was your major? And what are you doing Saturday night?"

"Animal Sciences. They made me take a Meat Measuring class, even though I was a vegan. I had to measure this cow as a vegan, and then measure its non-vegan back meat when it was dead. But I was a vegan."

"You're a vegan?"

"And they were making me measure meat! It was fucked up."

"Speaking of measuring meat, Pat still wants to get his penis. They just need to finish measuring the meat for his balls."

"Will they be vegan?"

"Probably not. Monsters."

And speaking of meat measuring monsters let's dive into the latest installment of GALAXY REVOLT!!

"...instruments laying on the counter" (1-2)

Uh.......... (*checks page, turns it over, turns it back again*) Looks like I was so stricken with boredom that I couldn't even finish the sentence. 

Welp, looks like that's it for the adventures of Sho-Grine and Arkly and all the other beloved characters of this proto-GALAXY REVOLT! Maybe George Lucas can finish this??

And for those of you wondering, I'll be spending Valentine's with myself.

Tip to tip is best, experts agree.