The Rise and Fall of the Third Skyreicher

You know how people talk about George Lucas raping their childhood? And how funny it is? Well, George Lucas actually did worse to me--he ripped off GALAXY REVOLT! And he raped me. (Someone won't be getting a gift come Solomacas Day, that's for sure!)

This movie has all sorts of undelightful surprises, mainly the appearance of Lando Calrississian, from the Mississip.

"Who you gonna call?! Please not me."

In fact, he's the focus of the movie from what I caught between my twenty bathroom breaks and I really think the title should reflect that. How about:

Lando Calrissian: The Fourth Jedi Buster, Ernie Hudson Style

Or:

Someone Please Help Me: The Most Ridiculous Adventure of Lando Calrissian

Or:

Lando-Time, with MC Lando

Or:

Does Anyone Else Want Stew For Dinner? I'm Making Stew

Then the excitement ratcheted to the max when George Lucas himself showed up in a fun director's cameo. He's looking good for his age!

"Suck it, Quentin."

It turns out he sees dead people.

"Damnit, you assholes better not CGI

me into this awful movie. Ecchh, I'm rotting."

Meanwhile we follow a young porridge-faced lady as she walks around and tries to figure out why she exists. (Spoiler Alert: No.)

Another baffling exhibit at the MoMA.

She dresses up for Halloween, except in outer space "Halloween" is known as "Derivative Crap Day" and it's even less fun than the Earth version. 

"I'm a sexy Sith soothsayer. Sthorry for spitting."

Her boyfriend keeps trying to Snapchat her, or so is my understanding of what the kids are up to these days.

"Yo girl, hmu! (Sorry about blowing dirt.)"

There are other characters in this movie, for some reason. (Can someone save my seat? I have to take a crap.)

"All right, who blew dirt? Was it you, Chewy?"

It all leads to a climactic battle where the two younglings express their love physically, which was the style at the time.

 "You clean up this mess right now, youngling lady!"

"Mm, yes, Daddy..." (Sexy times ensue.)

In the end, George Lucas shows up for a final cameo and saves the day.

 "Guards! Remove George Lucas! IMMEDIATELY, DO YOU HEAR ME??
(Heh heh with a cool, dry wit like that I could do my own Star War!")

Anyway, it was a great, great movie. The vibe was smooth mm-mm. Play us out, Billy Dee!

 "Scibbly scoobily Chewy doo wop doo dooo woo, yeah!"