"Always know your dealer, Mom. In this case, me."
Mom was having pain in her shoulder and she had asked me to bring drugs to our Perkins breakfast. Just give me the drugs is Mom's motto. She looked at me, smiling.
"I am quite fond of you, you know."
"Yes, Mom."
Sometimes Mom acted as if she had a crush on me. I considered passing her a note in gym class to let her know I wasn't interested.
To change the topic from drugs and the happiness they bring, I brought up D'Mari, our new custodian at the library. He was leaving. He could not stay, but he must be going.
"We're planning a big party for him," I said. "He made it to two months. Of course, the last time we had a party during New Year's we had a long awkward silence in the breakroom and D'Mari suddenly piped up with a story about some lady who cleaned her baby with Clorox Wipes and the baby died. It was a smash hit. We're going to miss him."
"Who is Duh-Carie?"
"D'Mari, Mom. Never mind. On the topic of babies dying from Clorox, let us turn to our latest installment of GALAXY REVOLT. Shall we?"
"I don't want to die."
"Shh."
"Sho-grine had no idea what was going on, but it didn't matter now, because he could not do a thing, not even think." (1-5)
With some embarrassment I confess that as I reach deep, deep into the deep depths of memory for the possible inspiration for the character of Sho-grine, I come up with this:
"Who lay Cha-Ka? Cha-Ka horn-y."
But, hey, if you're going to steal, steal from the best!
"The Mother gargled a few words and almost like magic Sho-grine was out of the trance, back to his own self again." (6-8)
Do you think Sho-grine was disappointed when he was back to his own self again? "Aww, shit. Back to being me. Fuck. (Speaking of which, Cylorn's Mother has a kickin' bod. I'd gargle that shit all day.)"
"For a moment Sho-grine felt that he forgot how to speak, but then finally, "Wow-w! Yo-Your-r eye-s-s... h-how?--" (9-12)
Good thing Sho-grine remembered how to speak! Maybe just use sign language next time?
"Do-o n-not-t as-k-k q-q [Fuck it, I'm not typing any more of this gargling crap. The Mother says a bunch of gargles and promises to ex-explain-plain everything-in th-th-then-n. The end.]
"Cylorn walked over to Sho-grine and bade him good-bye."
I bade you good-bye, reader. (Until next week ha ha, you won't get relief that easily.)
"Mom?"
She was taking some drugs with her iced tea.
"Ju-ju-just g-g-g-gett-in-ing re-re-lief, son."
"Gr-gr-gr-gr-great," I gargled through my orange juice, should probably not drink as I talk.
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