Pass Thru... Your Colon

In Today's Movie Minute we learn that breens really do come true in PASS THRU, a movie about

Sorry, my mind    out.  couldn't

  laundry         d               that hair whipping a

   sta rt          dirt on face      we

learn            man?   Thgil;  shoots up     he        desert and he

Requiem for a Breen

Once we get our fix we feel bretter. Our hero meanwhile passes thru the other side and becomes a brand of yogurt with the name Thgil. It turns out that Thgil is Light spelled in another dimension, get it? I don't. Thgil is here to save us, and kill many of us in the process. Along the way he uses a trusty tiger to help him cleanse humanity but not his face.

"Good boy! We'll pick that up later."

Why a tiger, you ask? And I answer: would you shut up and just let the breen wash over you like, uh, cream? Anyway, as Thgil wanders the desert without a permit we encounter people who have no value in the street.

"I YELL WITH A THROAT GURGLE!"

He also meets aspiring concert pianists, and then kills them. Ha, ha.

"Unauthorized ragtime! Seize her!"

Then Thgil invades the home of the one percent and listens as corrupt bankers and corrupt politicians revel in breing corrupt. He tries to get them to understand how corrupt they are. When they refuse to stop breing corrupt and decline to take down their CGI decor, Thgil murders them. Ha, ha.

"ISN'T THAT BETRAYING THE PEOPLE'S TRUST?

CAN YOU HEAR ME? HELLO! I CAN'T YELL ANY LOUDER...!!"

Thgil then hijacks an international media center and announces that he will be killing. And exterminating. And annihilating. Just a heads up.

"This just in. Our sources tell us there is no such

thing as an international media center."

In another plot development, some kids wheel an old man around in the desert. Yes, it's as exciting as it sounds. In fact, why are you reading this when you could be watching the movie RIGHT NOW!? AND GET OFF THE PILLS

"Should we leave him to die here, or by that rock?"

Thgil, we learn, is not corrupt. Just a genocidal homicidal maniac. And I ask you, which is worse? The answer, which is in the next sentence, is corruption. So in the final scene we get the inspiring vision of the desert floor littered with the corpses of millions and millions of corrupt bankers and corrupt insurance agents. Ha, ha. 

Softly croons, strumming mandolin: "Come walk a way with me, my lady/

Let us walk among the primroses and the festering dead/

Ha, ha."

So, in the end, the movie has an inspirational message for us all. Kill 300,000,000 people and damnit it feels GREAT. Our hero: a lean mean breening machine! 

"It Breen. It's all Breen!"