Benefits (and Malefits) of the Library

HEY!! Did you know your local library is chock full of stuff? And by stuff I mean items?? Hell, we even have objects! So come on down, people! You can check out everything from books, magazines and even MOVIES!! For instance, we just got a copy of the latest monkey movie. It's in our monkey section (next to the she-male display) and its called GIBBY.

It's about a monkey who is very excited about having his first threesome. Look at how excited he is! And how horny!!

See? Monkey is so aroused that he's already stripped down to his suspenders! Can shitting be far behind?

But, alas, like all good movies with monkeys in them, there's a twist. It turns out that the teenagers are going to eat him. They're hungry, and they need Monkey for their growing bodies before they have sex without Monkey. Sorry, Monkey! *sad duck call*

I'm pretty sure that's the plot of this movie. Granted, I haven't seen it and no one else has, including Monkey. But I'm pretty good at understanding monkeys and how they want to fuck.

The hold list is growing, folks, so put in your request in for Monkey So Horny NOW!! But there's more to the library than just skin, people. Why, what's this? We also have MAGAZINES! Here's the latest Time. Being an old person I reflexively feel bafflement and a plunging sense of panic as I contemplate this young lady and why in the world she even remotely garners interest beyond the mildly priapic. (I wonder what Monkey thinks?)

Oops, looks like the library has a Twitter account!

"What are you doing?" Jonah said.

"Hm? Just... ah... showing the good folks at home around the library. And Monkey."

"What good folks?"

"What's that in your hand, fella? See, we don't only have movies and magazines, we also have books!!"

"Yes. A book. The only one."

"So why this book?"

"IT."

"Sorry, did I call your book a she?"

"No, the book is for IT."

"Right. The Id. Sorry, I got caught up with that delicious monkey, and then that weird girl and her kewpie doll face, and then Justin Bieber, he--"

"Not the Id. IT!!"

"It... It?"

"Yes."

"Actually, this is the one subject that defies Lacanian analysis."

I turn to the folks at home, lightly chuckling. "That's all for today, friends. If we've learned anything it's that if you want ALL the answers, go to the post office!"

*monkey screech orgasm*