Friday, May 19, 2017

The Blog Lady

Mom was in the parking lot at my apartment complex. It was rare for her to be at my place. She was here for the drugs. She really needed the drugs.

"Give me the drugs," Mom said. "I just need the drugs."

I fetched my bottle of percocet and a glass of water. Mom sat in her car, her face just peeping out over the lower edge of the window. She looked up at me.

"He really did a number on me today."

I handed her the drugs.

"What did they do to you?"

"You know that split tooth, how it's twisted and bent, the one back here...?"

"No need to show and tell, Mom."

"Anyway..." Mom popped the pill and took a drink. "The dentist drilled for hours. It was worse than a root canal! And now my right eye hurts." Mom stretched the skin under her eye. "I don't know if it's the novocaine, or what, but I feel like I have a big stone in my eye. I can't see out of it!"

"Okay, so you just took a percocet, you can't see out of one eye, you can't feel your feet because of your diabetes... Do you want a police escort to get home?"

Mom reached up and gripped the steering wheel. "I'll be fine. Can I keep all of these? The drugs?"

"Those drugs weren't easy for me to get. I had to get them from Leo Johnson, and then they were smuggled over the border--the Canadian border--by Jacques Renault."

"What are you blathering about now??"

"Shhh. Did you hear that? The owls! The OWLS!"


I rushed back to my apartment. Some little fellow stood in my way, but I shoved him aside as I climbed the stairs. Just as I thought I had a visitor in my living room.

"AIIGHH! Get out! Shoo! Get on, boy, come on...!"

But the horse wouldn't leave!

At least I had dinner waiting for me in the kitchen.

Just then Mom stepped out of the refrigerator. She carried a log.

"My log wants drugs. Ask my log if percocet is right for you. My log has many secrets."

I turned to the audience. "Look, don't blame me for how stupid this is. Someone else wrote it..."


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