The Jizz Age

Karen called for a staff meeting. The library was going to start checking out Chromebooks to customers, and each branch was given four. But we had to talk about how to print from the Chromebooks over the wireless connection, how to help customers figure out how to do it, and how to take money so it shows up in the daily cash report for printing...

Genevieve had a question.

"What if a customer takes a Chromebook into the bathroom and locks the door?"

We have a unisex bathroom on the second floor that could potentially become, shall we say, an omnisex bathroom.

"So what?" Karen said.

"But they could, you know, be in there looking at porn."

"I don't think that will happen."

"But what if it does? I don't want to clean up some guy's jizz after he's done in there."

"Genevieve makes a good point," I said. "Jizz cleaning is not in my job description. At least since the city changed it last year."

"I'm only saying. Someone could be in there for hours just jizzing away."

"The jizz could get all over the Chromebook..."

"Can Clorox wipes get jizz up? I'm just wondering."

"If the jizz seeps down there in the keyboard..."

"The jizz could harden and create a Thompson's water seal. You know, for cracks."

"Maybe we can get Nelson Rangell to play at our jizz festival."

"His jizz is super smooth."

"Can we stop saying jizz?"

"Listen! Listen!" Karen yelled over everyone. "There won't be any jizz, so jizz stop talking about it!! Now..."

Jonah raised his hand. "Maybe we should put a sign outside the bathroom, like a Hegelian one?"

"A sign?"

"Yes, something like:

PLEASE, NO MASTURBATING

"Or maybe:

NO TREATING YOUR BODY LIKE AN AMUSEMENT PARK, PEOPLE

"Wait, I've got it:

DON'T JIZZ ON THE FLOOR

USE THE CUSPIDOR

THAT'S WHAT IT'S FOR

"So we're going to put in a cuspidor now?"

"Yeah, I'll put in a request with supplies downtown. One (1) jizz cuspidor."

"I'm not emptying any cuspidor that has jizz in it."

"Me neither!"

"Okay! Listen! Okay!" Karen said. "Listen! Listen...!"

"By the way, is anyone taking the minutes for this meeting?"

*wink*