Friday, July 29, 2016

Batman Versus Superman Versus Sanity

In BATMAN V SUPERMAN, two hunks get it on...

But I much would have rather seen these two guys... (Who's with me??)

"More butter than bean!! He's unstoppable!!!"

Like any heavyweight bout, the contestants must bulk up. Bulk waaay up.

"Push away from the bat table, Bat Ben!"

One has Bette Davis eyes...

"My secret? I stuffed glow-in-the-dark condoms in my eyeholes!" 

The other has Satan Vision(tm)...

"We'll have your satan ready in about an hour..."

You see, Satan has a Christ complex, while Christ has an eating disorder. It's all very deep, people.

 "I can't hold this noble pose forever, people! SCULPT!!"

Meanwhile, Butterbat has to do some acting. It gives the viewers an Exit Complex.

 "I'm sad now, but I'm sure by the time of the press junket I'll cheer up..."

The bad guy is Lex Luthor, played by a young Amadeus Mozart. Here he is composing Glowing Penis in P sharp.

 "God, I wish I was interviewing David Foster Wallace right now..."

Superman has a love interest: Clark Kent. The two of them have a threeway with Lois Lane ha ha.

 "He's here to rape me! WHEEEE!"

Not to worry, Academy Voter. There's plenty o' actin'.

 "Did you mock my spit curl??"

And more actin'.

"I hate you, Lynda Carter! AARRGH!!!"

This movie made me want to smash things. Atoms, specifically!

But it also made me sad. So very sad....

"Mark Nelson is a jerk..."

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