Muscle Memory

"I want muscles," Pat said. "I want a lot of muscles."

"What about drinking some muscle milk? From, like, a really ripped cow?"

"No, I have too many free estrogen radicals in my body," Pat said. We had set aside the philosophy and were talking about his latest body modifications. "In fact, my body doesn't produce estrogen or testosterone. I should be dead, actually."

Then he lowered his voice. He didn't want his dad to hear him in the next room.

"I'm going to meet a body builder."

"I hope it won't be really annoying."

"He's got anabolic steroids, which are illegal. But I really need them. I want to grow a beard, too. So I was at the park to meet the guy, and I was pacing around with my backpack on and texting him that I was there when this old woman came up to me. She asked that I leave the park. I was 'disturbing' the children. When I told her I had every right to be there, she told me to keep my voice down. 'Don't get excited, sir. Just leave.' Can you believe that? I was just trying to meet someone and then this old woman accuses me of being a child molester!"

"But did you get your 'roids?"

"Not yet. I really want to be bigger, though. Most people just see me as this small lesbian. I used to live with these guys, back when I was a girl, and I used to loan out my martial arts movies to everyone. I was looking for my Jackie Chan movie when I found the case in my roommate's room, but it turned out there was a different DVD inside the case. I put it in the player and saw it was porn. I was watching it for a few minutes, just watching it, and then my roommates came in. They accused me of going through all their porn. So they made me stand and take two punches from each guy. I got hit so bad that I got a hematoma on my chest, here... But I've been doing a lot of cool sculpting too. To get rid of my curves. You want to see?"

"Uh."

Pat nonchalantly hiked up his shirt and showed me his smooth hairless feminine belly. I shivered. Then he showed me his titties. SPRING BREAK! WHOOO!!

"I want them to take out the breast fat here." He pinched some fat under one nipple. "And I'd like this to be trimmed down more..."

"What is cool sculpting? Is it something the Fonz does in pottery class...?"

"They freeze the fat cells, and then they die off later. It's pretty painful at first. They really zap you hard with this long metal tube, and then..."

"You mean they can take care of this?" I hiked up my shirt.

"AIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!"

After Pat revived, I told him our session was done for the day. It was the least I could do.