Friday, May 1, 2015

Emoji Lynching

I would like to start a dialogue on a topic that I am uniquely unqualified to lead, but nevertheless will attempt anyway. That’s how I became Treasurer of the PTA and now I’ll use those same unqualifications to discuss race. I have questions about Emojis.

I was pleased to see through my klan hood that the Emoji people decided to make hand gestures multiracial:

Admittedly, it wasn’t something I thought about before because I thought the emjois were yellow, like Simpsons yellow,

and not some “racially rude reference to Oriental people” yellow. Just cartoon yellow and thereby applied to everyone.

When I first heard a person of color (a person other than Simpsons yellow or Sexy orange)

discuss the fact that they felt annoyed at having to send “white” emojis in their texts, I empathized. How would I feel if as a white woman if I had to send a dark skinned nose every time I wanted to convey my juvenile joy at smelling the intoxicating skunk smell of pot at Crown Burger via text? Disconnected, that’s how. Probably annoyed.

But now I have a bunch of questions: If I send a thumbs-up with dark skin does that give me the street cred I so desperately crave? What does that mean? And does size really matter?

I know Michael B. Jordan mentioned ignorance to Jimmy Kimmel when he brought up a mixed-race situation in a movie, but I have ignorant questions! When, exactly, did it become rude to voice all the ignorant thoughts that occur in my head? How will I become less ignorant unless I voice my ignorance for someone to address? Should I just stuff my ignorance deep down into my already large well of self-doubt?

Yes? Ok. Will do.

If you’re a colored, will sending white emojis (now known as ehonkis) finally get you admittance to Augusta National? What does it mean if you send an emoji that represents a skin tone other than your own? That you don’t “see” color? But you must see color if you picked one different that the standard yellow, right? Mad logic skills there.

And why are the ghosts only gray? That’s so racist to ghosts.

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