Mom was crying.
"It's going to be okay, Mom," I said. "They're going to fix your knee up and then you'll be out slamming the basketball in my face in no time."
"I just worry about Mewy, and Boogie."
"Boogie and Mewy. Didn't they open for Bread back in the seventies?"
"If it wasn't for my dog and cat I wouldn't care what they do to me. They can hit me over the head with a hammer for all I care. But will you take good care of them? I worry so much about them."
We were waiting outside the OR for them to wheel her in and start hacksawing on her old knee.
"Will you? Will you make sure Mewy has water? Oh, I worry so about Boogie. He'll just be so upset without me. And the litter box and the bird seed and the trash and the water, make sure she has water and you feed her and give her water and water give her water in her dish will you do that? Will you give her water? In her dish? Will you? WILL YOU?! WILL YOU?!?!?!?!?!?!?!"
"Here, Mom. I brought these old photos so you can get your mind off the mewy things of life."
"You were a cute couple," Mom said, frowning. "It's too bad you had to marry that awful, awful woman. And why do you have to make that silly face?"
"That giant cross almost toppled on us during the ceremony. True story. Here's one with you in it..."
"Is that your Aunt Diane off to the side? What an awful woman! And I'm sorry I said that about Amy. She's a nice person, I'm sure."
"Everyone was watching Amy and I reenact the death and resurrection of Jesus of Nazareth up on stage. How else to explain Mark's expression?"
"You boys and your silly faces...."
"Speaking of which...."
"Oh! Why do you and your brothers have to be such jackasses?"
"We can't help it, Mom. We. just. can't. help.... wait for it..... it. Here's another with a little more decorum and sisu."
"Barf," Mom said.
Mom started flailing and whipping herself about.
"Mom? Okay, okay, someone get her 10 ccs of something? Anyone! Here's your stuffed angel. Hold on to that. Doctor...!"
I fled the hospital with my batch of demonic photos. At least I'd got Mom nice and calm for her knee surgery. You're welcome, Mom!