Ha Ha! Fool!

Hey, who wants a Death Taco??!

The Devil wears a bow tie and a paper hat, and he carries a tiny trident. Uh.... not very menacing. And yet Rutger & Co. immediately line up against the wall, ready to be cornholed by Satan's tiny trident. But Jake is right--it's better than any frat party. (Except the ones at SAE house when the local skanks from Tri-Delta showed up. Amirite??)

Next Week: Rutger gets rescued by a local skank.


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BONUS MATERIAL!!!!!!!

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I was down on my knees before Mother, yanking socks over her bare feet. (Always start with a visual.) She was at home after her back surgery, but she still struggled to dress herself. That's where I came in. And where I wanted to leave.

"Mom, these feet look strange. Swollen and misshapen..."

"I don't need your commentary, Greg. Just help me get them on."

"They look like tubers dug out of a field near Chernoybl. Is that a stem growing out of your ankle? They're like Mr Potato Heads--only they're definitely NOT for children."

"You're doing it wrong! Roll them on first, don't pull on them like that."

"Grandma used to scream at us as kids for pulling on our socks wrong. Then she'd bust us in the mouth with a giant Tinkertoy. It was how I lost most of my baby teeth, actually. And some adult, too...."

I had gone around picking up the things she had dropped on the floor and wasn't able to pick up herself: clothes, forks, envelopes, an empty bag of bird seed, the claw hand extender for picking up things from the floor. She needed a claw hand to pick up her claw hand she kept dropping.

"I used to put your socks on when you were little."

"Yes, Mom. Circle of life. Precious moments. Got it."

"Can you pull that one up a little more. It's very cold out."

I stood up. "Okay, is there anything else?" I had taken out the trash, cleaned the litter box, pulled on socks, and made a lot of sarcastic remarks. What else was there to do?

"Oh, you're looking very thin to me, Greg. Please don't tell me you're becoming anorexic."

"Yes, I'm becoming anorexic. I woke up the other day and I thought, huh, what's a fun thing to do today? I know! I'll become an anorexic! Yay!"

"I just hope you're eating..."

"That's what happened to Karen Carpenter, you know. She chose to become anorexic. Ha, ha. She was such a card."

"Okay, you can leave now."

"Are you sure you're okay?"

"Yes. We just have to pray hard. Just pray for me. I pray very hard every day..."

"What does it mean to pray hard? Do you strain more? Close your eyes really tight?"

"I'm praying right now, actually."

"Oh, yeah?"

Mom grimaced, eyes shut. "Yes," she said. "I'm praying that you leave."

I opened the door. "The power of prayer, Mom! The power of prayer....!"

The Holy Ghost shut the door behind me.