Reggie Gets Fired (Kinda)

Well, it's come to this. On Saturday we got the call everyone was eagerly awaiting: "I want to speak to your manager." Oh, goody. Our neighbor behind the library was upset about... wait for it... Reggie. She had told him not to hang out by her fence and smoke. Her two young children couldn't come out to play in the front yard because of him (!). Also, she overheard Reggie making derogatory comments about her, and how everyone in Cherry Creek was racist. What?! That doesn't sound like Reggie! The kicker in all this was the neighbor is supposedly a "friend" of Reggie--they had known each other from art school ten years ago (he had painted her nude in class, she's fine, lay some pipe, etc etc etc) and he had even drawn some superhero drawings for her kids (then again, maybe that's why she's mad). Carol got off the phone and declared that she's had it with Reggie, she wants him gone. She called downtown and got the wheels rolling for Reggie's termination with extreme prejudice. Still on Saturday, still with a half-hour left in his shift, Reggie came into the breakroom with his props (broom and dustpan) and sat on the couch to talk to me. Carol popped in, glared at Reggie, and then asked me to come into her office. Reggie jumped up, fumbled around with his broom in a Chaplinesque manner, and in his hangdog, craven, whipped-for-farting manner begged Carol to understand that he was just sitting for a minute, just for a minute. As I followed Carol into the office, Reggie pleaded, "Save me, Greg! Save me!" You're not Spartacus, Reggie, I didn't say, and I'm not Tony Curtis. In the office Carol told me more about the case against Reggie--but in a whisper since we could hear him knocking about with his props just outside the door. On Monday, Carol told me all was proceeding apace and that they were going to meet/fire Reggie early Tuesday (he's off on Mondays). Ergo, on Tuesday, expecting Reggie to be gone, I pulled into the lot with a light and easy heart, whistling some Supertramp. With a gladsome eye I saw Reggie not at his usual place by the fence, smoking. He was gone... But, wait, no--was that...? Oh, God. It turned out he was across the alley, smoking. He waved his finger at me. I was horrified. What the fuck, I whispered, losing my Supertramp vibe. But I should have known. Reggie has nine fucking lives (of fucking). He hurried over to me and said that someone downtown told him to stop smoking by the fence, but he didn't understand why. He still thought he was in big trouble for talking to me. Why do these white folk hate on me so much? Etc. At that point, I said the neighbor lady had called on Saturday to complain about him and weren't they friends anyway? Reggie was shocked. His starting eyeballs were nicotine-yellow. I asked him if something had happened between them? He said no, nothing (clearly lying). Then he got to the heart of the matter: could he borrow twenty bucks? I went inside, and he later came over to collect his loan and tell me he was just going to stay out of everyone's way, and what a "bitch" that neighbor was for doing that, he thought they were friends, but that's white people for ya, etc etc. I kept a tight lip, knowing he was probably gone, but rather irritated that they had yet to inform him of this latest development. He went through the day congratulating himself for still having his job, and Jesus sure was great and all. Etc. Finally, early Wednesday morning, they came to escort him away. He's been put on paid leave pending an "investigation." Carol has a meeting downtown on Friday where his execution will be happily performed. But Reggie has vowed to bring an attorney with him and sue for anti-discrimination. He's been keeping "notes," he tells me. Maybe this isn't the end after all?

Commence some Barbra.....

"Memries... Like the corners of my mind... Scattered pictures and shit..."

Commence soft focus montage of the way we were:

* Reggie checking out ass* 

*Reggie laughing* 

*Reggie smoking* 

*Reggie checking out ass*
*Reggie talking*
*Reggie raising eyebrows, making a she's fine face*

*Reggie pole-vaulting with a broken branch into the toilet to dislodge a turd*

*Reggie talking*

*Reggie checking out ass*

*Smoking, joking, checking out ass*

Etc!

Going to miss you, buddy. It's going to be one empty blog around here...

Oh, and you better pay me back that twenty dollars. OR I WILL KILL YOU