Tuesday, May 14, 2013

Transgender Biopolitics (And Rape Lol)

In my ever-continuing quest to be hip and groovy and up-to-date, I have watched a movie called MYRA BRECKINRIDGE. It is, in the parlance of the kids today, heavy.

The first question that comes to mind is: why? Well, haven't you ever wanted to see Tom Selleck give Mae West the old bone job? Or Raquel Welch rape a man in the ass? Well, HAVEN'T YOU


Okay, how about Raquel Welch and Farrah Fawcett in a sexy bed scene sexually touching each other in a sexist way, sexy?

"That better be your elbow poking into me..."

Wow, you people are hard to please. How about an insane cowboy?

Um, Wonder Woman raping a twink?

"USA!! USA!!"

Then how about a 102-year-old Mae West cracking wise about wanting to mush her mummy vagina against some guy's King Tut.

(No, that's not a banana in my pants and I am not glad to see you. Bleccccch.)

The movie is so bad that film critic Rex Reed invades the picture and criticizes it from the inside out--but in the process becomes a leering pervert with a taste for old statuary (West).

*pant, pant*

Not too surprisingly, Reed gave a thumbs down to every scene except the one with Raquel Welch as a turd burglar (the good kind).

"Mmmm, Mama wants some chocolate."

This movie is really, really bad. So who do we have to blame for it? Shampoo mogul Gore Vidal wrote the book that the movie is based on, so maybe blame him. But in a testament to how awful the film is his face melted upon viewing.

"My precious...."

Did I say that a guy gets his alley wrecked by Welch's seven-ten split? Well, it does. It does.

This film exists. USA!! USA!!

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