It's about a ticket that's hard, to Hawaii. No, it's about a ticket that's hard to get, to Hawaii. Wait. A ticket from your hard drive, to Hawaii. Eh, who cares. Titties!
When our topless federal agents fail at fighting crime with toplessness, two acting-impaired hunks (informed by a sandwich) come to the rescue. They also take off their shirts, to less dramatic effect. (That's because I'm STRAIGHT. Mmm, but that Ronn Moss is all sorts of delicious...)
Meanwhile, a large snake "contaminated by cancer-infected rats" is loose on the island--and that's NOT a sexual metaphor. Unfortunately.
We learn that people in Hawaii ride their skateboards upside-down and that hamburgers eat people. No wonder it's a hard ticket! (No, I still don't get it.)
Also, a person who throws a Frisbee around is known as a "thrower."
And a person who acts in this film is known as a "moron."
But the movie doesn't disappoint those who have a fetish for seeing fat Hawaiian dudes get hit with ninja stars thrown by Playboy Playmates. Turned on yet? (There's a website for it, check it out!)
Yes, I was very bored too, ladies.
The title song really brings it all home:
It's a hard ticket to Hawaii
It's not paradise all the time
Although it's like a dream,
Things are not what they seem
Especially when a snake in the loo
Ups and bites you in the hoo-hoo...
Yeah. I don't get the title either. Maybe I should watch it a third time?