Thursday, March 28, 2013

Reggie and the Peep Show

At the library we have a saying: Go Peep or Go home. That's right--it's Peep Diorama Contest time! Reggie, being our artist-in-residence, volunteered to do one for the branch. The honor was all ours. There was only one problem. He didn't know what a Peep was.

"They're actually used to line nuclear reactors," I explained. "They have a half-life of about five-hundred thousand years. But during Easter people of all faiths come together to worship them."

Reggie worked his lips around the strange term, as if a Borneo man learning the ways of the White Man. "Pee...puh?"

"Yes, you got it. Peep. Now go create some art."

"Peep. Peep. Yes, I'll do it." Reggie stood up from the meeting. "I'll do one that will be off the chain!"

The consensus among the staff was that he would make something inappropriate. Something along the lines of:

Instead, balancing a piece of paper in his hands, he brought the judging committee (me) this:

"Hm." I assumed my best Peep judging face. "Are you sure you spelled that right?"

"Shit." Reggie's Peep judged face fell. "It's not spelled right...?"

Reggie turned and ran off, cradling his mocked art like a Dr Frankenstein.

"It's a joke. Reggie...! Damnit. Another genius snuffed out by a smirking jackass (me)."

Reggie disappeared into his studio/castle/janitor's closet. A few hours later he returned with a mashed up glutinous heap of red, blue and yellow Peep matter. Reggie smiled knowingly at me.

"Let me guess," I said. "You're calling it CALIGULA: THE ORGY."

"No, no. It's the Last Supper, man. See, that's Jesus. And his holy apostles..."

"I don't know," I said, inspecting the scene. "That looks like a dwarf giving head to a meerkat. And what's wrong with this apostle? He looks like he's self-fellating."

"No, no, that's Judas. But... I took a bite out of him. That son-of-a-bitch deserved it for betraying my Lord and Savior.  But I was really hungry. I skipped lunch to do this thing. It was really hard not eating the whole thing!"

"Sometimes you have to suffer for your Peep art."

"Yeah, yeah. So did I win?"

"Actually, I think we ALL did."


  1. LOLing. I wonder if the Schoenhals crew took a year off to let some other poor reggie win?

    1. He definitely needs the cigarette money...