Tuesday, January 8, 2013

You've Just Been Steam Punk'd

Today's Movie Minute takes a detour into the wild, wild west, as in THE WILD WILD WEST, a movie of astounding awfulness and not coincidentally starring Will Smith and Kenneth Branagh.

Apparently, the American West suffered from a dearth of "jokes." Example: one bad guy has knives for hands. After he is dispatched, Will Smith coolly and drily says, "No more Mr Knife Guy." I think I might have set a new record for eye rolling (but I'll have to check on that).

The American West, we also learn, suffered from a tragic lack of gadgets--as in, hey, you know what's more interesting than horses an' shit? MECHANICAL SPIDERS. I mean, why have characters and all that boring stuff when you can have MECHANICAL SPIDERS!?!?!?!?! (Are you listening, Cormac McCarthy?)

Our villain is played by Kenneth Branagh who is awful--as in Jar-Jar Awful.

He rabidly chews the scenery with a New Orleans accent, has no legs, and toots around on his silly Segway for the 1860s. Also, he believes the South will rise again. Let's face it: the movie is ultimately for arachnophile, Civil War reenactors. So, most of us.

Alas, the producers missed out on casting someone else who is much much more terrifying, and coincidentally perfect for the role.

But enough of my gab. Let's get down to what we all know we're here for. Will Smith. And LOTS OF IT.

Will Smith!



So remember, folks, always bet on Will Smith!

No comments:

Post a Comment