At Least It's Virtual

Mom was very upset. Someone had stolen her Nook.

"Was the person black?"

"Not this time," Mom said, grim-lippedly. "I was so upset. I had just dropped off Mimi at the dog park and I was so distracted getting her out of the car that when I got home I realized I had lost my Nook!"

"So you lost it, then."

"No, I didn't lose it. That's what I'm trying to tell you! When I got home I found it in the toolbox back in the garage. I felt so silly. I had called the police and everything."

"Toolbox is the dirtiest word in the language."

"What?"

"Nothing. So what was it doing in the garage?"

"I was doing some cleaning to get out some Christmas decorations and I must have brought my Nook back there with me. This new game is so addictive. I can't stop playing it!"

"Right. So some lady at work today asked if anyone on the staff lived nearby. She wanted to stay at one of our houses because she just got a new job and wanted to stay overnight before she started. I told her no. Then she assured me that she meant female staff. Oh, okay, then..."

Mom stared lovingly into her Nook.

"I'm thinking of writing a book, Crazy Things People Tell Librarians. It could be a big hit with the neuralgic set. Are you listening to me, Mom? You're as bad as a teenager."

"Erghm?"

"Anyway, we have this other customer who came to me complaining that another patron had taken his picture with his phone. He also said he had been followed to Burger King and that his license plate was also photographed. We're thinking about banning that other customer, but he's kind of a psycho, as you can imagine, and I'm actually fearing for my life. My very life is at stake. Okay, what is it you're playing that's so fascinating?"

"It's a game where you try to take out BMs from an old lady's bottom. You get points for poops. It's called Angry Turds."

"I understand now. Goodbye."

And I rode out of the Hungry Bible forever.

HERO.