ER vs HR vs ED

Justkidding wanted to talk about her diarrhea.

"I've got germs, thanks to my husband and kid." She rubbed at her belly in a circular motion, apparently the universal sign of a flash flood warning. "And I'm going to spread them awll-ll-ll over this library!"

She laughed. I chuckled along.

Then she shook her fist in my face. "You tell anyone about this, and I swear to god I'll... I'm going to get all of you FIRED!" She knifed the air with a very long nailed finger. "All of you!"

Just then Justron came up.

Justkidding swung around her finger. "And you, too!"

"What?" Justron was, as always, softly perplexed.

Justkidding hurried away, either to HR or the nearest toilet. Donovan our beloved custodian joined Justron and I and regaled us with tales of Las Vegas. But after a discussion of the weather, the subject swiftly flushed to what he had found after coming back from his vacation.

"The stall in the men's room, the furthest down? No one cleaned it for two weeks! I smelled it long before I got there. It was nasty. Then some guy was sitting on the toilet for twenty minutes. If you're sitting that long you need an ER not a bathroom!"

Then Jonah came over to vent his spleen--which was a comparatively more welcome body part to vent. He had a book which, weirdly, wasn't filled with Hegelity.

"This guy better not be in heaven when I die," he said, throwing down the book. "Fuck this immaculately barbered douche."

Frontrunner for this year's Smarmy

Justron smiled. "I love Mary Oliver's poetry," he said cozily.

Jonah looked at Justron. "What are you talking about?"

"You said heaven, didn't you?"

"Right."

"Higher is Waiting," I said, bathing in Tyler Perry's holy radiance. "Here's my unwanted Derridean interpretation: I think he means the light fixture he's pointing at, and it's about to fall on his head. See, the fellows in the studio keep playing pranks on him. Just another day of dodging and ducking stuff from above that's, uh, waiting."

Todd came over to complain about Karen's all-cap message on the break room whiteboard. "If Karen wants us to read her messages," he said beardedly, "then she should write about something other than some customer complaining about our computer policy. WHO CARES."

Just then Justkidding came over. "I see Karen wrote something on the break room whiteboard," she said bladedly. "It seems she doesn't understand that the break room is so you can take a break from work."

We all nodded. She went off, but then circled back.

"And you're all fired!!"

"Ha, ha, ha," we all laughed nervously.

"I'm scared," Justron whispered.

"Here, buddy," I said, and passed him a copy of Mary Oliver.

Justron cooed.


This blog is now SIX YEARS OLD!!! HURRAH. So you won't get confused at home, here's a picture of me when I was around six.

Every night I was given a kitten 

to strangle. Those were the days!

NEXT YEAR: More stupid jokes and limp observations!