That's the message of THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK, people. In space, no one can hear you scream Aaugh.
So what's this one about? Well, it's about Darth Vader being sad. He wants his son and to be a family again. Instead he whiffs on the kick time and time again. So he winds up doing the ol' autoerotic asphyxiation on his buddies.
"You've gone too far, Tosh."
Meanwhile, the rebels get to have all the fun, if you catch my heteronormative meaning.
Solo: "Ugh, you kiss like a Gungan..."
Leia: "Wait, how do you know that?"
And Luke gets his groove back in a marsh far, far away.
"Hard will I ride you, all night, mmm?"
"Yes, Puppet Master. Hard will you ride me."
The rebels also play a lot of video games, as was the style at the time.
"No, no, move your paddle up. UP!! Aw hell, there went the pong...."
Being a smug douche is also a perk. It helps defeat evil.
*Inhales deeply* "Ahhh nothing like the smell of a backed-up loo!"
But back to the sadness of Darth. The poor guy chases his son all over the galaxy only to find that he was just like him, his boy was just like him, we'll get together then, Dad, you'll know we'll have a good time then... *sob*
"This walk-in computer lets me know when my crying jag is done."
Darth gathers a ragtag group and hopes someone will just give him a hug damnit.
Earth, Wind & Fire, The Early Years
Darth then traps Han Solo, the son he never wanted. He fashions him into a silver spoon. So..... partial credit.
WARNING: Do NOT set your sleep number this high.
The father and son reunion is only a motion away--sssccchiiinng!
"Ah ha ha ha ha! Now I get it! The droid takes a shit. Wait..."
And then comes the moment that defined a generation. "Luke, I am your father." Come on. I mean, seriously? You expect me to be emotionally affected by this... sniff... load of space malarkey... boo hoo.... interstellar baloney.... choke... galactic hooey.......
"No, Dad, what about you? WHAT ABOUT YOU WAAAAAAAH"
Well, enough of this garbage. Time for the best one of them all: THE PHANTOM MENACE AKA THE JAR JARENING.