Friday, November 13, 2015

iMom 2.0

Mom held up her phone. It was new. It was big. It was--

"Eight-hundred dollars," Mom said triumphantly.


"Yes, but I got some free extras with it. And look, I can play solitaire!"

"Mom, that means you now have four phones. I'd say open your own AT&T store, but I made that joke last week."

"Now call the phone that has the minutes I just bought. Here it is. No, that's the other one..." Phones cascaded off Mom's lap. "No, that's my iPod. And my glasses..."

"This is ridiculous. Why do you need four--"

"Oh, I have a call!" Mom fumbled with her new big eight benjamin phone. "Hello? Oh hi Mewy!"


Just then Mom's cat hobbled into the room. She had something attached to her forepaw. She seemed to lick it.

"Mew," Mewy said.

"Mom, get back, the cat has a bomb...!!"

"That's her phone. Those were my extras. Aren't they neat? Mewy has her own phone now and she can..."


"Oh, I'm getting another call, Mewy. One second. Boogie! How are you today, Boogie?"

Boogie came in with his phone. It was the new iPaw.

"Woof," Boogie said.

Boogie and Mewy faced each other.

"Aw, look, they're text messaging each other!"

"Do they have unlimited minutes and kibble?"

"Ruff," Boogie said.

"Mew ;)," Mewy texted.

"They want a treat," Mom said, getting up. "I have to hang up now."

"Who are you talking to?!"

While Mom has more technology than an astronaut, she still has a dial-up connection. Only her and a family in Senegal have dial-up. But, by God, everyone in the house has multiple phones!!

"Mew :p."

"Right. Mew. They all text Mew."

REGGIE UPDATE: My sources report that Reggie now has a pencil mustache and wears a yachtsman's cap. His sexiness knows no bounds. Or decency.

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