So in honor of the birth of our savior, I have decided to watch SHARKNADO 3. Because science.
SHARKNADO 1 and SHARKNADO 2 were excellent, but not everything was fully explored about Ian Ziering's face or Tara Reid's weird titties.
"All right, who tore off my I'D RATHER BE STRIPPING bumper sticker?"
Ziering teams up with Mark Cuban in order to see if the sharknadoes have a good marketing platform and will it capture a robust demographic?
"Dude, did you blow dirt?"
The ragtag team consists of a woman who rapes fish, erotically.
"Sucker fish are the best unnnhhgghhh!"
A kindly Negro then appears to give our hero a golf club. Instead of a birdie, it's a sharkie. Work with me, people.
"Citizen Kane? Ha! This is the best movie of all time. ALL TIME."
The movie explores edgy territory when the Subway guy has shall we say relations with an underage shark. But it's why he stays thin!
"Pssst, don't tell the FBI."
"DIE, DADDY, DIE!! I mean, er... die, sharks."
In the end, Ziering makes out with his grown-up fetus. Few people know that Charlie Kaufman wrote the script. Along with Will Smith!
"The secret ingredient is shark blood..."
Okay, here's to another year! And another sharknado... or grizzlycane... or marmotmiasma.... zzzzz