Friday, July 17, 2015

Jazz Jug Metal--My Favorite New Musical Genre!!

"I see your guy Demetrius got signed."

"Demaryius, you mean?"

"Right! Demetrius got quite the deal..." Soon exhausting the topic of sports, Jeff went on to his non-existent screenplay. "So my character, get this, he can learn Spanish in just a few days because he can remember everything he sees. He has a photogenic memory!"

"He sounds ready for Hollywood already..."

"Yes! And... uh..."

Just then another customer came to the desk. Jeff goggled at the guy.

"Hey, aren't you Nelson Rangell??"

"Uh, yes."

"I saw you at Civic Park last summer! You played with Charlie Watson...!"

"Yes, thanks."

Jeff started breathlessly slobbering and fawning like a Belieber getting her first period.

"Oh, man! You were so great on your last CD! You blow that sax like you own it! BLAH TO THE FUCKITY BLAH BLAH!"

After the Great Man left, Jeff explained that Nelson Rangell was a jazz genius and we were just lucky to share the same star system with him.

I admit Nelson Rangell seems incredibly cool. But he was clearly MUCH COOLER back in the day. Amirite?

After Jeff tucked himself back in, he went away to my great relief. Then Jorel came my way to my great delief.

"Aren't I out here?" she said cluelessly.

"No, you're supposed to go to that defensive driving class."

"Oh." Jorel made a face. "I don't want to go to that. Besides, I have zero money in my bank account so I can't afford to pay for parking downtown."

"Right. Two dollars. How do we overcome your crushing financial obligations?"

Just then Tad the homeless guy walked past.

"Hey, Tad! Can you loan Jorel a few bucks so she can pay for parking?"

He pulled out a few crumpled bills from his back pocket.

Jorel was able to drive defensively again. But then she had to return to her house that has no electricity. Sure, she spends most of her day looking up her ancestors from the 1840s, but unless she has a hand-cranked hot tub time machine, she's stuck in a time period where one needs power. So what the hell does she do all night? Whittle? Play the jug?

Hmmmmm, maybe she's on to something. At least she won't have to listen to smooth jazz.

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