Tuesday, December 23, 2014

Daft Day

Today's Movie Minute is the imaginatively titled DRAFT DAY which is about... (don't wait for it).... draft day. And what a day it is! And drafty!

"Look into my eyes... Forget you ever saw The Postman.... 
Or Waterworld... Or The Big Chill... Or..."

Kevin Costner plays a white boss who must choose from a selection of black men which black man will be the best for his team/plantation. How far we've come, people! How far!

 "Who wants to play catch with me?
Come on!! Don't run away! Awww..."

Thrill! as Costner calls other GMs to trade players and such.

"Uh-huh... long distance savings... Go on..."

Heartpound! as he calls this guy, that guy.

"Is this Jake from State Farm? Are you wearing khakis?!?!"

To jazz up all the hot phone conversation action, they split the screen and add a black guy. The story of America, when you think about it, folks.

"That better be your elbow poking into my screen."

We learn that NFL draft day is a pressure cooker for general managers as they deliberate between drafting Ted Gregory and Josef Mengele.

"Anyone heard from Apollo 13? No?
All right, then, draft some kid from Ole Miss. Either or."

Roger Goodell comes to promote the NFL, which is hurting for the exposure. Next to Japanese Water Weight Lumber Swap Drill Exhibitions, the NFL is struggling for viewers.

"Gentlemen, to evil."

Meanwhile Costner is having an affair with Jennifer Garner in order to get the chick vote. But her no-kiss clause makes things more clammy than steamy.

"Hey, I know football too! Kick a home-run, boys!"

The movie's putridity might best be summed up by the fact that Chris Berman is the best actor in it.

"Line! Rumblin', fumblin', stumblin'....! (Oscar gold!)"

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