"Look into my eyes... Forget you ever saw The Postman....
Or Waterworld... Or The Big Chill... Or..."
Kevin Costner plays a white boss who must choose from a selection of black men which black man will be the best for his team/plantation. How far we've come, people! How far!
"Who wants to play catch with me?
Come on!! Don't run away! Awww..."
Thrill! as Costner calls other GMs to trade players and such.
"Uh-huh... long distance savings... Go on..."
"Is this Jake from State Farm? Are you wearing khakis?!?!"
"That better be your elbow poking into my screen."
"Anyone heard from Apollo 13? No?
All right, then, draft some kid from Ole Miss. Either or."
Roger Goodell comes to promote the NFL, which is hurting for the exposure. Next to Japanese Water Weight Lumber Swap Drill Exhibitions, the NFL is struggling for viewers.
"Gentlemen, to evil."
"Hey, I know football too! Kick a home-run, boys!"
The movie's putridity might best be summed up by the fact that Chris Berman is the best actor in it.
"Line! Rumblin', fumblin', stumblin'....! (Oscar gold!)"