Tuesday, November 4, 2014

Shitnado 2: The Shittening

SHARKNADO 2. You might ask: Why? But that would imply anyone gives a shit about what you think. The producers sure don't. In other words, Ask not for whom the sharknado turns, it turns for thee not.

"We're going to need a bigger Statue."

Ian Ziering takes his torso to NYC to battle more sharknadoes.

I think this is what we all mean when we say "Too soon." (Too soon?)

For this sequel we get all sorts of "fun" cameos.

"Who the hell am I?!?"

In the second part of Don Quixote, Cervantes uses the celebrity of his hero to make meta-fictional comments, just as Sharknado 2 makes winky references to the first movie. That's right--I'm comparing Sharknado to Don Quixote. That takes some 'nadoes, people.

And since we're recycling here, here are some more wacky ha ha titles.

  • Calamari My Lai Massacre
  • Overcooked Tilapia
  • Men Raining
  • C List Shitty Shanty
  • Tornado Filled With Fonzies On Motorcycles Get It
  • Barry Manilow Pressure System
  • Movie Watcher Suicide Note
  • Lucy Liu Upslope

Other characters get involved in the 'Nado-y fun. And themes are developed with complexity and nuance like, is Mark McGrath really just Ethan Hawke and vice versa?

"Remember when we were hot stuff in 1988?" 

Mayhem ensues. Mia Farrow shows up with Philip Roth. No one cares.

 "They have cabs in New York! WHAT"

Sharks rain down at the ol' ball game and start eatin' middle relievers.

 "Oh well, at least we don't have to watch baseball anymore!"

Ziering is in charge of saving the city, because who else could they possibly turn to?? The sharks had eaten all the male strip clubs.

 Sharks are a major problem on the NY metro transit system.

In the end, Matt Lauer and Al Roker out-act Ziering and Tara Reid, which is the best thing we can say about this movie.

"Ann Curry, you hear me?!? DIE BITCH!!"

See you all next summer!

No comments:

Post a Comment