Tuesday, September 2, 2014

Purge To Kill (Rising)

Today's Movie Minute is THE PURGE, about a white suburban family trapped in their house and forced to spend quality time with each other. THE HORROR

The movie is a cross between Shirley Jackson's The Lottery and Clockwork Orange, with a dash of Alf. Ethan Hawke is an executive for a high-grade security company whose product fails for the simple reason that rich people are awfully stupid.

"Damnit, I'm the worst actor of my generation. Why aren't I happy?"

On the night of the purge, Hawke gets his family into his panic house and waits for the plot to unfold. Or for his agent to call. Either is good.

"On my lawn. Off my grawn. You kids... get gone my lawn...! Damnit. LINE!"

A group of Republicans chase a black man to the house. It's all meant in good fun. OR IS IT

Dan and Marilyn Quayle, everyone!

The bad guys are led by a sicko who patterns himself on that bad guy from Karate Kid. (Don't they all?)

 "Have you considered the benefits of the new Kirby vacuum?
Sir, just a moment of your time. Sir?! PLEASE"

The whole family becomes a target, and lots of pointless action ensues. I was unable to purge my desire to keep checking the time counter on the DVD.

 "That's right, I'm wearing my school uniform.
As I do every day. Sure, I'm 26. Is there a problem?"

In the end, ebony and ivory work together in perfect harmony to drive a screwdriver through a bad guy's aorta. The sun rises. Everyone agrees we should have legalized pot instead.

 "I want my refund back from Carl Weather's acting seminar... fucker."

The good news, at least, is that the director was taken out and given a right proper beating. As this security camera footage shows so delightfully.

*watches beating over and over*

Wow. I really DO feel better!

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