Tuesday, September 9, 2014

Boys From Hitleriania

Today's Movie Minute asks what would happen if Neo-Nazis cloned Adolf Hitler and he ordered a streudel with his schnitzel while shtupping his weimarschoozle? GODDAMN CHILLING IS WHAT

THE BOYS FROM BRAZIL mainly consists of one dull, idiotic scene after another that only wastes the viewer's valuable time (not this viewer's--I mean some theoretical viewer who has things to do). And there's not ONE scene on a nude gay beach!

Gregory Peck plays Josef Mengele with a heaping helping of German ham on the side.

 "Then we will ssscchhlaughter them...!"

While it's springtime for Peck, it's late summer-ish for Sir Laurence Olivier, also hamming it with a ridiculous accent and twee chapeau.

 "Vhat iss thiss? Iss this the Der Veinerschvitzel? Ach!"

Gutenburg starts off this Gotterdammerung by doing his best Rob Morrow impression.

 "You gotta listen to me, doc! I'm from the future!
 They're trying to stop me from making the Police Academy movies!"

Turns out that Mengele has a plot to factory-produce a bunch of creepy, mono-testiculared tweens--that's right: JUSTIN BIEBER.

"Mein Kampf? More like Mein Spitcurl!"

Peck gives a party for all his Nazi buddies to celebrate the return of der fuehrers. But he ruins it all by insisting on singing "Edelweiss" on a down-tuned glockenspiel.

 "Come on, everyone! After me...! ADOLF HITLERRR,

The party gets tense when it's discovered a Jew has eaten the last slice of schvitelkissen.

 "Say douche instead of deutsche again. I DARE you."

In the end, Peck and Olivier get into a geriatric fight. If only the Second World War Two could have been settled this way. 


Hitler the Younger then sics his dogs on Peck, which is some kind of irony I'm too sleepy to deconstruct. 

 "Riffel has the worst taste in movies, mein Gott!"

1 comment:

  1. When do you review "The Magic Christian" or "The Thomas Crown Affair?" When? Please soon?