Tuesday, June 24, 2014

The Raprechaun

In today's Movie Minute, we have LEPRECHAUN IN THE HOOD because who can resist a heady mixture of chronic and begorrah??

In a story that makes Scooby Doo seem like Othello as recited by Richard Feynman, Ice-T is an evil gangster who finds a magical flute that makes people buy his records and gives him an acting career and a wife with a gigantic booty. In other words, PURE FICTION.

"Hold on now, I have to say my lines in
the white order?!.... Oh, right order. Ne'mind."

The flute belongs to a breakfast-cereal-obsessed dwarf, straight out of Compton. That is, if Compton were located in a burn ward outside Chernobyl, soaked in Guinness.

 Hugh Hefner, the Later Years

Warwick Davis plays the leprechaun, a cross between Snooki and a shillelagh, soaked in Guinness. He wants his magic flute back from Chocolate Ice, but along the way he runs into some trannies who try to pop a clover in his ass. (No, I have no idea what's going on either.)

"Your science is too magically delicious, Willow!"

To defend himself, the leprechaun casts a magical spell of hookers. He only wanted one (he's awfully small, if you catch my meaning), but three show up. Isn't that always the way??

"Kids! Figure out which of us has hidden the leprechaun!"

Ice-T squirts catsup all over his face in a ruse to get out of filming the rest of the movie. But the joke's on him, since it came from his penis!

"Not in my hair!" 

In the end, the leprechaun gets his flute back and he rocks the mic with a deeply offensive rap performance. I think this is what Bill Cosby meant by the terrible influence of hip hop on today's youth. Shudder.

"I've got a wee lump in my pantaloons, lassies--come and get it!!"

Oh well, at least Ice-T got his pot of gold.

"Hurry up with that toilet!!"

I have to say I prefer my leprechauns without all that rap in it...


  1. I read your post title as the RAPE-rechaun so I feel like I got off pretty easy after reading it.

    1. The only rape in this was Ice-T raping my eyeballs with his acting.