Tuesday, March 18, 2014

World War Zee Crap

Hey, do zombies make you giggle? No? Do jokes about zombies make you giggle? No? What the hell do you people want from me?!? *zombie crickets*

"Don't worry about all the fire and destruction, kids. I'll read you a bedtime story! NOW FUCKING DUCK!!!!!"

Brad Pitt is a white man. And whatta white man! He's here to solve all our zombie-related problems.

 "Who wants to smell my balls?"

He's married to this. Amirite, fellahs??


Soon the whole world is infected. The lesson is clear: always wear a rubber when biting into dick.

 "Why oh why do I always get the zombie-infected flight?"

Pitt and the other white people make a last stand behind the wailing wall in Jerusalem. Who ordered the gefilte fish?

 Can't someone just use a leaf blower on them?

In the end, Pitt infects himself with some funny disease like beriberi or the scabies and the zombies can't "see" him anymore. Just like when waiters won't seat me when I'm covered in diarrhea! (They will at Denny's.)

 "Give us dental plan! And Lisa needs braces!!"

Theaters are overwhelmed everywhere by patrons demanding their money back. And more makeup for their balls.

"Motley Crue rulez!!!"

Eventually, the cliche-o-meter breaks. But at least it worked better than the sarcasm-o-meter. Yeah, like that was going to work anyway.

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