Tuesday, March 25, 2014

The Butler Did Us

Hey, kids! Today ANDY will be filling in as guest blogger as I'm too busy evading taxes to blog today (wait, did I type that out loud?)...

(Starring this summer in "Andy Get Your Gun")

There is some shit Greg will not eat. Not bad enough to be funny. Not good enough to see. 

FIGHT THE POWER. (Those canapes will be out shortly, sir.)

First of all, let's be clear. This is Lee Fuckin Daniels' The Butler. Lest you get it confused with Tyler Perry's The Butler or Edwin Meese's The Moose. Nice disambiguation, Harvey Weinstein. They should have called it Miscasting Up The Butler.

Robin Williams plays the creepy uncle of Harry S Truman.

"Whoa. Presidential acting. What a concept. Nano."

Only problem is he's supposed to be the creepy uncle of Dwight D. Eisenhower!

"Who wants to take a ride in the presidential van with me? Anyone...?"

Then we have Hans Gruber playing the Gipper and Hanoi Jane as Nancy "Me Love You Long Time" Reagan.

"Stop pinching me, Mommy."

For some reason we have John Cusack playing Tricky Dick. He was told not to say anything.

"Did I take a crap today? Dammit, I can't remember!"

James Franco, fresh off spring break, plays JFK and Vanessa Hudgens is his skank. Spring break y'all!!

"Wait, you used to date Jerry Lewis AND Joey Bishop?!"

Leiv Schreiber gamely shows up to sit on the toilet and yell at his aids (Yes, it's "aids" and not "aides" as it was the free-love sixties, and whatnot.)

"Goddamnit, where are my canapes?!?!?"

Thankfully, like on Gilligan's Island, Ford and Carter are consigned to the "And the rest..." montage. Unthankfully, Vanessa Redgrave, Crispin Glover, Swoozie Kurtz, Oprah Winfrey, Terrance Howard, Cuba Gooding Jr., Lenny Kravitz and Yahoo Serious are not given The Professor and Mary Ann treatment.

Quite possibly the biggest casting coup was getting Mariah Carey to play the titular character's poor sharecropper mother in the 1920s. According to sources, Mariah was a bit difficult to work with on the set and made demands about how she was portrayed on screen.

"This titular enough for you people?"

In the end, I think I would have learned more about the Civil Rights' Movement from watching this.

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