Memoirs Of An Invisible Asshole

As is well known, there are three major parties on campus every night. Also, some minor parties. A few tertiary shindigs. Casual get-togethers. Tete-a-tetes over tea?

And then we have this, in today's RUTGER:

It's time to par-tay. Party down--to the maximum. Partee like it is the year of our lord 1984. WHOOO!!

Here we have an anatomy of a typical college party. In the first panel is "The Laugher." Sheesh. So damn weird. Have you ever been at one of these things where people are... dear god... laughing? Yeah. Run.

Then there's "The Spaz." He suffers from cerebral palsy, but we like to call him Spaz. It's pretty funny watching him struggle with basic motor functions as his body jerks and twitches around. And he wears a bow tie! Like a spaz. Ha ha.

Then there are the generic dudes huddled around the warming glowing warming glow of the beer keg.

"Ooh! I like to touch it!"

Were we not saying "That's what she said" back then? Because that would have been the perfect moment to take this party all the way to 1999.

Lastly, we have the sad man picking up a purse. I can't tell you how many times I myself picked up ladies' purses at parties in college. My rather sick fetish, admittedly. "Is that a purse? On the floor? That needs picking up?? Mmmm, baby..."

There you go. All you need to know about CSU parties circa 1984.

Next Week: Rutger goes hallucinogenic on your ass.