Big Bad Movie

In today's Movie Minute we take a trip back to 1932, courtesy of 1974. Confused? So were the makers of this titty show. (Not that there's anything wrong with it.)

Our narrative concerns Angie Dickinson and her brood of titties, er, breasts as she goes on a cross-country killin' spree. With her titties. Breasts. Damnit, am I ever going to get it right?

"Come on, girls. Let's shoot off our bras!"

For all those who couldn't get enough of the Deliverance soundtrack--there's fiddlin', banjo pickin', washtub thumpin' and all-round jewharp twangin' galor'! As our fingers are atappin', our gals meet a rapscalliony rake played by Tom Skerritt in HIS GREATEST ROLE EVER. He mumbles a lot, which means he's deep.

"Sorry about peeing on your shoes."

You know the movie is bad when you find yourself longing for some Shatner. SHATNER

"Bilbo Baggins pulls into the lead! YEAAGGUUHHHAAWWWW!!!!!!"

The Shatner does what The Shatner does best: old women. He administers a mammogram that's as awkward as it looks sexy. You'd think they were married!

"Mi volas kunigi kun vi, sweet baby..."

Eventually the SHATNER gets into it with the SKERRITT. It's like a Japanese monster movie, only with more Shatner. 

"Hey, don't blame me, I voted for Hoover, you fourflushing jackanapes!"

Meanwhile the ladies are playing kinky bondages games with some rich guy's daughter and extorting money and stuff. This leads to a trenchant critique of our corrupt republic's monetary policies, and when are we going to get off the damn gold standard already?!

"Who wants to crucify her on a cross of gold?"

But fiat currency schmiat currency. Let's get back to the basics!

YEEEEHAAWWWWW!!! Bilbo Baggins wins again!