Why I Don't Drink

In this JOHNSON FOLLIES we see visible proof of my struggle with the demon drink. I was thirteen years old and unable to draw a simple straight line. Poignant, yes?

"Whoops, there goes the line down the page... Oh well.... Yeah... shay... whadda... *burp*... Aw hell another... *hic*... stupid Joghshson Foggies... ugh... etc etc."

The next morning Mom found me covered in vomit and Mad magazine stickers and poop (I poop whenever I get really drunk). I was so embarrassed that since then I haven't had a single drink. Happy, everyone??

Next Week: Why I No Longer Freebase